Pure Poison: Reading John Dolan’s New Thriller and Telling His Future
What’s great about John having a new thriller coming out is that it gives me an excuse to have him on Cold. And to pour a cold drink, sit back and have some fun.
After all, there’s no one I know in or out of the blogosphere who shares my sick sense of humor and is up for just about anything. Especially when it involves either debauchery or quackery.
Case in point, when I asked John if he’d like to have his fortune read by my new best friend, Svetlana the gypsy fortuneteller, he said, “I’d be delighted!”
The following is a transcript of their encounter. No names have been changed to protect the innocent.
John: Oh, my God, the light in here!
Svetlana: Is too dark for you, pasty-boy?
John: No, too bright. I can see how hideously ugly you are. Vic told me you were rough looking, but I hadn’t expected this.
Svetlana: I no understand. Excuse me, I must put in my teeth, yes?
John: I do prefer my women to have teeth on the inside of their mouth.
Svetlana: Listen, pasty-boy, I thought Englishmens were supposed to be charming. Perhaps you live in 3rd World country Thailand too long, yes? My daughter Dragomira travel in Thailand with caravan and make good money. She no play ping pong, though, so her friend Jaguska make more.
John: I’m sure your daughter is as lovely as you are.
Svetlana: You want meet her? She fifteen and practically virgin. I no make you pay. Just take her.
John: Thank you, but I’m married.
Svetlana: So is she. Two times only. I tell you – practically virgin.
John: I’m afraid I’ll have to decline.
Svetlana: Hmmmf! Look, you want to have reading or no?
John: I may as well, seeing as I’m here.
Svetlana: You can ask me three question.
Svetlana: Yes. Now you have two question left.
John: Hey, you’re quite sharp for an old girl. All right, then. Tell me how the sales of my new book, A Poison Tree, are going to do.
Svetlana: Hmn. I see your book contains lots of overblown language, your characters’ actions lack psychological credibility, and your plot is shitty and plagiarized.
John: Did Victoria put you up to this? It’s that review I did of The Bone Church, isn’t it?
Svetlana: I show you, it say right here – I no lie. I no even know what “psychological credibility” mean. It sound like name for Russian militia. Tell me, does your book’s cover have a picture of almost naked, attractive lady on it?
John: Yes. Why?
Svetlana: Then it will do well. People like the pretty covers. They treat books like woman. What is your last question?
John: What does the immediate future hold for me personally?
Svetlana: You have the Death card.
John: Ah, I know what this means. It means I have big changes ahead. The end of one phase of my life and the start of a new one, right?
Svetlana: No. It means you are going to die soon.
John: Hang on. I thought it was to do with transition.
Svetlana: Sometimes. But in certain circumstances – like this one – it signifies imminent death.
John: What sort of circumstances?
Svetlana: Like when you insult gypsy, for instance.
John: You know, now that I have a good look at you, you’re actually quite attractive.
Svetlana: I close curtains. I do dance for you. You live long time.
John: Ummm…sure. Just one dance, though, okay?
JD’s Website http://johndaviddolan.wix.com/johndolanauthor
JD on Twitter (@JohnDolanAuthor) https://twitter.com/JohnDolanAuthor
JD Facebook Page https://www.facebook.com/JohnDolanAuthor?ref=hl
JD Author Page on Amazon http://www.amazon.com/John-Dolan/e/B008IIERF0/ref=ntt_athr_dp_pel_pop_1
JD Author Page on Goodreads https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/6550683.John_Dolan
Pictures of JD naked with Asian Women http://johndolanwriter.blogspot.com/